Showing posts with label lists. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lists. Show all posts

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Why I Like Traveling with Kids

I've spent the past few days researching toddler-friendly vacation destinations, which means I've spent the past few days reading countless suggestions on message boards that perhaps we should just stay home, or very close to it. 

The standard argument, in a nutshell, is that vacations aren't as important as everyday togetherness for keeping your family unit strong. (Duh.) And since kids seem to like the mundane stuff best anyway -- the playground, the hotel vending machine, the rental car -- why bother going anywhere?

I'm sorry, but where's the logic in that? That's like saying, "Birthday cake isn't as important to your health as eating a balanced diet the rest of the year. And sometimes you bake a birthday cake and your kids only eat the icing! Don't waste your time!" 


Danger, at 7 months old, failing to fully appreciate Bermuda's rich history.
P.S. He's the one in the stroller. The tall one is my husband.

And just because you can find something at home, is that a reason to avoid it overseas? I mean, I can sit in the bathtub with a margarita, so why bother going to Mexico? My neighbors have some fish, so why visit the Great Barrier Reef?

I mean, what kind of unrealistic expectations do people have for vacations? I imagine these parents taking their kids to Holland to learn about the progressive use of wind power, and then getting bummed out when their kids only care that the Dutch put ice cream on their pancakes. (The Dutch are geniuses.) 

The thing is, even the mundane stuff is more fun when you're away. I liked grocery shopping at the IGA in Montreal as much as I liked visiting the Notre-Dame. My kids loved "riding in the red car" at Disney World -- um, that would be our rental Prius.

I'm not saying we're the most worldly family ever, but if the opportunity to go to Europe came up tomorrow, I'm not going to say no just because I might have to pass some time in the cultural wasteland of a Parisian playground, eating my weight in beignets while my kids go down the slide for the 10297309th time. That actually sounds amazing.

Vacationing with kids is different, but in some ways, I actually think it's better. Here's why:

1. Kids can pinpoint the true awesomeness of a city in three seconds flat. Whether it's the playground, the street food, or a nice guy on the bus, kids have sonar for fun. They get the "authentic experiences" that travelers wax intellectual about because kids aren't trying to impress anyone. (Where are the locals hanging out? Probably the playground.)

2. Kids give you a permission to be a tourist. It's hard to blend when you're lugging around a three-day zombie disaster supply kit in your diaper bag and your traveling companion has eschewed a "basic black" wardrobe in favor of wearing Angry Birds pajamas all day. But here's a secret: Remember that time before you had kids? When you dressed like a local and memorized useful phrases like "Waar zijn de dichtstbijzijnde pannenkoeken?" You probably weren't fooling anyone then, either.

3. Kids are the great equalizer. Nothing bonds you to your fellow travelers faster than being the other parent using a national monument as a time-out seat.

4. Kids see things like kids. When I was a kid, I thought the countries in EPCOT were the actual countries. My husband still gets nostalgic about his vacations at a rainy campground in New Jersey. I don't think that Monte Carlo would blow my kids' minds any more than the Hot Wheels aisle at Target already does. Yes, kids are easy to please -- but is that really a problem? Is it so bad to go on vacation with someone who thinks that any hotel with an ice machine is a five-star resort and any restaurant with free crayons deserves a Michelin star? Or would you rather travel with someone who thinks the Louvre was too underwhelming, Disney too manufactured, or the Grand Canyon too dusty? (Yep, that was an actual complaint on Tripadvisor.) I'll waste time traveling with my kids any day.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

5 Things I Am Disproportionately Excited About This Week

1. Fiona Apple's Idler Wheel. 
After a seven-year wait, I just picked this up at Target. I can't wait to listen to it tomorrow while my boys scream "Turn it OFF! Turn it OFF! Make Phineas & Ferb start!" Loved this video of her in all her nervous glory:



2. Green Day's Uno! Dos! Tre!
Three albums?! It's not even my birthday!

Source: Facebook


3. The Les Miserables movie.
I have a teeny Les Miz obsession dating back to my extremely awkward middle school years. To this day, when the concert special from a million years ago plays on PBS, I'm like, "Abandon all plans! I don't care if it's Saturday! Give me some ice cream and I'll see you in three hours!" So oh my sweet nerdy goodness, I can't even wrap my head around how awesome this is going to be. Hugh Jackman, don't let me down!

Source: Facebook


4. Canon 40mm pancake lens.
How cute is this?!? Finally, I can shove my camera in my diaper bag and still have room for actual diapers! Okay, so I don't technically own it yet. But it's on my B&H wish list, so let's be real...it's just one retail therapy session away from being mine.


5. Johnny Depp is single. 
Fun fact: Several years ago, I was commissioned to write a Johnny Depp biography, which received overwhelmingly positive reviews and little emoticon hearts from six middle-school readers on Amazon who were obviously forced to read it for a book report.
Anyway, he's single again and I figure it's like the lottery -- somebody's gotta win.



Monday, November 21, 2011

LIST: 7 Reasons I think this Video is B.S.

There's a decent chance you've already seen this video, since it's racked up a quarter-million views in the past four days. But I'm calling fraud on it. Watch it and see what you think:



Look, as the mom of two toddler boys, I've walked in on my share of messes. And it's because I've walked in on my share of messes that I can spot several red flags in this video:
  1. In real-toddler-world, all five pounds of flour would be in a big pile in the middle of the kitchen. Once a toddler discovers something that can be spilled, the world stands still until every last drop has been dumped on the floor. I've watched my one-year-old sit at the kitchen table and shake juice out of a leak-proof sippy cup for upwards of ten minutes. I've found him in a mountain of wipes, but I've never found a trail of wipes throughout the house. Toddlers tend to keep their messes confined to their current location, a.k.a. the location where mom currently isn't.
  2. I don't see two kids running with a bag of flour, period. A toddler with a five-pound bag of flour is like me with a 20-pound bag -- not gonna happen unless you're talking about this kid. There's flour on the couch -- that's over their heads. Could you hold a 20-pound bag of flour in one hand and casually toss flour over your head with another? On that note...
  3. What's with the weird spots of flour on the picture frame? I've spilled a lot of flour, and I can safely say that flour doesn't clump when it hits glass. Unless, say, you're a fame-hungry youtube mom going for maximum shock value, so you spritz a little water on the glass first. Just sayin'.
  4. The TV has a light dusting on the edge. Very thoughtful of her kids to leave the most expensive thing in the room relatively unscathed. My kids, in contrast, have a magnetic pull to the most valuable thing in the room, which is why they'll draw on my computer monitor with a Sharpie when there's a blank notebook right in front of them.
  5. When I notice my kids have been unusually quiet, I don't grab the video camera just in case they've decided to antique my living room furniture. 
  6. If I ever stepped out of the bathroom and saw a trail of flour in the hallway, I wouldn't mutter, "Oh...oh, boy." It'd be more like, "GET IN TIME OUT RIGHT NOW! HOW DID YOU EVEN FIND THE FLOUR?! IT'S ON THE TOP SHELF OF THE CABINET! HOW THE FREAK LONG WAS I IN THE BATHROOM? DO THEY EVEN MAKE A VACUUM THAT CAN FIX THIS?!?!?" But, I guess you can't just hand your boys a bag of flour, help them powder the room, and then yell at them -- that would confuse them. Just sayin' again.
  7. She disabled comments. Go figure.
So, what do you think -- real or fake?

Friday, September 2, 2011

LIST: 5 Random Thoughts for Friday

1. I have a newfound obsession with buying a Keurig. I’ve somehow convinced myself that an extra 100mg of caffeine every morning will transform me into a hyper-charged cleaning maniac, with enough energy left over to maybe do some fancy art projects with my kids. I’m sure it would take about two days for reality to set in, but who cares? I only need to stay delusional long enough to justify the purchase. Then I can be like, “Sorry I didn’t vacuum again today, but I made coffee that tastes like donuts!”

2. I spent all of yesterday thinking it was Friday. It was a bummer when it was happening, but today it’s like, “Woohoo! Two Fridays in a row!”

3. My friend posted on Facebook that Tony Danza died. I was devastated. Then she posted that the report was a hoax, and I went back to taking Tony Danza for granted.

4. I hit 100 fans in 24 hours! But then I looked at the Crock Pot Girls and their one million fans and went back to feeling like the awkward kid in gym class. (Then again, I'm pretty sure all my fans are human. Interesting.)

5. My kids aren’t old enough for school yet, but I’m really excited for everyone else’s kids to go back to school. I miss having the world all to myself on weekdays. And by the world, I mean Target. Clearly I’m not the only person who brings their kids there for entertainment, because it’s been packed for the past two months. I look forward to having the aisles all to myself again. In fact, I would sum up my feelings on Labor Day like this:



Anyway, my one-year-old is on a new kick of waking up at 4:40, so I'm off to bed!

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

LIST: Proof I Haven’t Really Grown Up Since College

Watching my nieces and nephews packing up for college, I can’t help feeling a little bit nostalgic for my own college days. Let’s be real, college was probably the last time my modus operandi seemed completely valid and appropriate -- it’s not like I was the only one skipping work to watch The Wedding Singer, eating cold pasta for breakfast, or ignoring the piles of laundry that were slowly turning into a makeshift area rug.

I think my mom took this photo to shame me into cleaning. Didn't work.


Yeah, that’s my comfort zone.

Of course, I’d never trade my life now for anything -- not even for the chance to relive my Golden Era of Laziness. But lately, I’m starting to realize that I don’t have to. The more I think about it, the more my two boys are a lot like my old college roommates. And in many ways (sleep deprivation, bad eating habits, copious amounts of procrastination) my life hasn’t changed all that much. I just don’t have to write thesis papers anymore!

Here are a few ways my boys help me relive my glory days.

1. I live with two people who like to drink until they pass out. Naptime really isn’t much different from 2 a.m. at the Knight Club.

2. I’ve found myself debating whether my jeans have enough puke on them to warrant a change of clothes.

3. I buy myself a sleeve of chocolate chip cookies, and before I even get to eat one, they’ve mysteriously disappeared.

4. My housemates generate 90% of the dirty dishes but do 0% of the cleaning.

5. I’ve discovered creative uses for orange-flavored vodka -- like cleaning permanent marker off of my computer monitor. (Works in a pinch when you don’t have rubbing alcohol in stock.)

6. There are empty bottles under the couch, raisins trampled into the carpet, and I recently found a half-eaten slice of pizza in my desk drawer.

7. I wake up with every intention of doing something productive, but usually end up on the couch watching Nickelodeon all day.

8. Several times a week, I’m woken in the middle of the night by someone in the hallway yelling gibberish.

9. I go to the bathroom and find that someone has peed next to the toilet and unrolled the TP into the trash can.

10. When anyone asks about my day, I pretty much highlight the educational stuff we did (flash cards, puzzles) and skim over the other details.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

LIST: Reasons I have trouble relating to Katy Perry

What Katy Perry did last Friday night:
  • danced on tabletops
  • took too many shots
  • maxed her credit cards
  • got kicked out of the bar
  • went streaking in the park
  • skinny dipping in the dark
  • had a menage a trois

What I did last Friday night:
  • ate expired mac and cheese for dinner
  • skipped "free hayride night" because it looked rainy
  • did some laundry
  • refreshed my Facebook newsfeed every three minutes
  • was in bed by 11:00





Not me.

    Monday, August 22, 2011

    LIST: 2 Possible Reasons Why You're Reading This Post

    1) You're friends with me, related to me, married to me, or otherwise contractually obligated to act interested in my blog before I've even loaded any content onto it.


    2) You're bored enough to have read through every post in at least one category to get back to the beginning. You might be feeling a sense of accomplishment mixed with shame, kind of like when you eat an entire pizza by yourself. (I speak from experience as someone who's read the complete oeuvre of Hyberbole and a Half and considers any pizza under 16" a single-serving pie.)


    Which category you fall into is basically a function of how long ago I wrote this post:


    This graph doesn't help you in any way. I mostly just drew it in lieu of folding the two loads of laundry on the living room floor.